Glossary of Terms

(Literally, a no + gamos marriage) 1. A state or condition of not engaging in marriage, or more generally not engaging in marriage or reproduction. 2. Sociology Of or relating to a society with no recognized rules or prescriptions on marriage, or which does not recognize marriage at all.

The state or condition of being able to be happy in a polyamorous or a monogamous relationship, without necessarily having a preference for one over the other.

A central, stabilizing relationship. Commonly used in polyamorous communities as a non-hierarchical alternative to a "primary partner," representing deep commitment, shared life logistics (like nesting or finances), and emotional grounding without implying superiority over other partners.

One who doesn’t experience sexual attraction. Commentary: Asexuality should not be confused with lack of interest in romantic relationships. Asexuals can and do form romantic relationships, though those relationships may include little or no sex.

Colloquial Of or related to a person who is both bisexual and polyamorous.

In a relationship, any activity that violates the rules or agreements of that relationship, whether tacit or explicit. Commentary: In traditional monogamous relationships, any sexual activity with anyone outside that relationship is generally viewed as cheating. In a polyamorous or swinging relationship, sexual activity with people outside the relationship may or may not be seen as cheating, depending on the context of that sexual activity and whether or not it violates the agreements of the people in that relationship. Even in such relationships, most commonly sexual activity without the knowledge and explicit consent of the other members of the relationship is likely to be viewed as cheating.

Any marriages where there is no emotional intimacy or sexuality outside the marriage; monogamous marriage. Contrast open marriage. Commentary: This is the most common form of marriage in most Western countries.

A form of swinging in which people will have multiple sexual partners within a specific group (as, for example, two couples who will swap partners), but will not have sex with people outside the group. A closed-group swinging relationship can look very similar to a polyfidelitous relationship from the outside; the primary difference between them often being the focus of the relationship (sexual vs. romantic) rather than the form of the relationship.

Any romantic relationship, such as a conventional monogamous relationship, closed polygamous or a polyfidelitous relationship, that specifically excludes the possibility of sexual or romantic connections outside that relationship.

A practice in which a group of swingers will exchange partners and then have sex separately, usually in separate rooms; swinging without group sex. Contrast open swinging. Usage: Common in the swinging community; uncommon outside it.

A polyamorous relationship in which two or more married couples cohabitate and exchange partners.

Of or relating to activities between a member of one couple and a member of another couple; as, for example, cross-couple relationship, a relationship between one person who is part a couple and a second person who is part of another couple.

Is the domination by a foreign power over another people's territory, with the primary aim of exploiting those people, their land, and resources. Colonialism not only exploits material resources and labor but also seeks to control and reshape the social and cultural landscapes of the colonized via a centralized hierarchical power structure. This imposition leads to the systematic undermining and erasure of a people’s cultures, traditions, and social systems.

Colloquial An occasional lover who passes through one’s life semi-regularly

A feeling of joy when a partner invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. Commentary: Compersion can be thought of as the opposite of “jealousy;” it is a positive emotional reaction to a lover’s other relationship. The term was coined by the Kerista Commune.

A formal agreement within a relationship to confine exchange of bodily fluids and barrier-free sexual contact to the people in that relationship, each of whom has previously been screened for sexually transmitted diseases. Condom contracts may specify under what conditions a member of that group may exchange body fluids or have sexual contact without barriers with a new partner, or may specify that such contact is not permissible with any new partner.

To live together. Cohabitating: the state or practice of living together.

A man in a group marriage who shares a spouse in common with at least one other man in that group marriage. See also co-wife, co-spouse.

A person who is one of two or more primary partners in a polyamorous relationship, as Bob and Joe are my co-primaries. See also hierarchical polyamory; See related secondary, tertiary.

A group marriage whose members register the union as a legal corporation, the terms of which spell out the financial entanglements and obligations of all the members.

A person in a group marriage who shares a spouse in common with another person in that group marriage. See also metamour, co-husband, co-wife.

A woman in a group marriage who shares a spouse in common with at least one other woman in that group marriage. See also co-husband, co-spouse.

Systemic advantages, benefits, and rewards enjoyed by and afforded to established partners. Present in both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. Particularly prevalent in nesting, married, anchor, long-term, and/or life partnerships/relationships. Often relates to pre-established rules, arrangements, and powers in existing relationships that impact (consciously or unconsciously) on other relationships in a network. In non-monogamous and polyamorous relationships, recognizing, understanding, and dismantling couple privilege is a major challenge, but necessary to address if one endeavors to behave ethically, deconstruct hierarchies, and/or practice egalitarian polyamory.

Legal A marriage which includes a legally-binding clause in the marriage contract specifying that the couple cannot divorce, or cannot divorce easily. Commentary: Only a handful of states in the United States recognize covenant marriage provisions.

Colloquial A monogamous man who engages in a relationship with a polyamorous woman with the intention of separating her from any other partners and bringing her into a monogamous relationship.

Trademark A social gathering of adults which encourages consensual physical affection, such as cuddling, massage, and other forms of physical expression, but which forbids overt sexual activity or sexual stimulation. Commentary: The term “Cuddle Party” has been trademarked by Reid Mihalko, who owns a business organizing such parties in many cities, which are pay-for-attendance events.

Colloquial A gathering, usually involving only women and most often in a private residence, in which a group of people gather to explore their sexuality, discuss sex, experiment with sex toys, and so on. Etymology: The hostess of a cupcake party often provides refreshments, hence the name.

1. Colloquial A relationship in which a person has several partners, and spends a set period of time with each partner, during which time he is sexually involved only with that partner. 2. Sociology Serial monogamy. Commentary: In the case of Def. 1, there have been several recorded cases in which a person, usually a man, has a job or life which requires regular travel, and maintains romantic partners in separate cities. Generally speaking, these partners do not know about one another, and each believes that the relationship is monogamous, though this is not always so; in some cases, some or all of the partners know of the existence of the other partners.

Involves the withdrawal of colonial powers from colonized regions and the subsequent reassertion of independence and cultural, political, and economic autonomy by the colonized societies. Beyond just the end of colonial rule, decolonization also encompasses efforts to address and rectify the long-term impacts of colonialism, including the dismantling of internalized colonial ideologies and structures, reclaiming and revitalizing indigenous cultures and languages, and addressing inequalities and injustices that have persisted as a result of historical colonization.

A person who experiences sexual feelings and attraction only after developing a close emotional relationship and not on the basis of first impressions, physical characteristics, etc.

A relationship structure in which a person who is partnered is permitted to have additional sexual or romantic relationships on the condition that his or her partner does not know anything about those additional relationships and does not meet any of those other people. Commentary: Many people in the polyamorous community frown on don’t ask, don’t tell relationships, and choose not to become involved in such relationships. There are many dangers in such relationships, including the idea that a person who claims to be involved in such a relationship may simply be cheating (as the relationship often provides no mechanism by which that person’s partner may be contacted to confirm that the relationship permits other relationships); the fact that many people choose DADT relationships as a way of avoiding and not dealing with emotional issues such as jealousy; and the fact that DADT relationships are built on a foundation of lack of communication within the existing relationship.

A relationship involving exactly two people. The most accepted form of romantic relationship in most Western countries is a monogamous dyad. Contrast triad, quad;

is a relationship framework that values treating all individuals within a polycule equitable. In this dynamic, the central goal is to empower each person in their relationships, ensuring they have agency, maintain ongoing consent, and promote open communication. Every individual holds decision-making power within their relationship and cannot be overridden by someone outside of their intimate relationship. Egalitarian polyamory enables each relationship to organically develop into its full potential Egalitarian polyamory rejects hierarchical structures. Hierarchy is defined as a ranking system in which those at the top hold decision-making power over those lower in rank.

A belief or practice that emotional intimacy or love must be kept exclusive to a particular relationship, though sexual activity or other forms of physical intimacy may occur outside that relationship.

A state or practice whereby individuals are permitted to marry only within a specific group, such as a religious or social group.

Also known as consensual non-monogamy. An umbrella term for relationship structures, approaches, and practices in which all partners (typically romantic and/or sexual) consent to individuals choosing to engage in multiple connections. Most commonly used in swinging, open relationship, and polyamory communities. Individuals value and prioritise honesty, communication, and mutual agreement. The “ethical” addition to non-monogamy constructs is controversial, and rejected in some circles, because of the implication that non-monogamy (without the explicit reference to ethicality) is otherwise inherently unethical, and because notions of what constitutes ethical structures and practices is disputed.

Psychology A fear, which may be irrational, of being neglected or abandoned by a lover, particularly if that lover takes another partner or expresses sexual or romantic interest in another. Commentary: The term exclusion jealousy was coined by Ronald Mazer in the book The New Intimacy: Open-Ended Marriage and Alternative Lifestyles (Beacon Press, 1973, ISBN 0595001025).

Any relationship which does not permit its partners to seek other romantic or sexual partners at will; as, for example conventional monogamous relationships, or a polyfidelitous relationship.

Marriage to a partner outside of one’s particular group, such as a religious or social group.

Of or related to practices which involve the exchange of bodily fluids, such as barrier-free sexual intercourse

The belief that sexual relationships should be unrestricted and disassociated from ideas of love, commitment, marriage, or obligation. Commentary: Many advocates of free love object to the concept of marriage altogether, as they see it as a way to impose constraints and obligation on sexuality. Etymology: The term free love is generally attributed to John Humphrey Noyes, founder of the Oneida Community, who later abandoned it in favor of the term complex marriage.

A form of swinging in which the people involved do not engage in sexual activities with anonymous or random partners, but instead have sex outside an existing relationship only with other people who are already close friends. In this form of swinging, emotionally intimate bonds can and often do form among all the people involved; this kind of swinging can often look very similar to polyamory, the primary difference between them often being the focus of the relationship (sexual vs. romantic) rather than the form of the relationship. See also closed-group swinging. Commentary: Hollywood images of swing clubs and anonymous sex aside, friends-first swinging is arguably one of the most common forms of swinging.

A relationship in which two (or more) people establish a friendship that includes sex or sexual activity, but without romantic love and typically without the same type or degree of expectations or other practical or emotional entanglements that typically accompany romantic relationships.

Colloquial; vulgar See friends with benefits.

See friends with benefits.

Any relationship or arrangement whose partners permit one another to have other sexual partners while they are physically apart, as for example a relationship in which one person takes a temporary position in another town or is assigned overseas for a time. Usually carries an implicit understanding that when the couple is physically together again, the relationship will become monogamous. See related hundred-mile rule.

A relationship in which three or more people consider themselves married to one another; in the polyamory community, most often a relationship involving more than one man and more than one woman, who may live together, share finances, raise children together, and otherwise share those responsibilities normally associated with marriage. A group marriage is not recognized by and has no legal standing within most Western countries, but may have symbolic or emotional value to the people involved. Many people who believe in group marriage may create civil contracts and other legally binding business arrangements that specify the type and extent of financial commitments within the marriage, or even form a legal corporation that defines the marriage. See related corporate marriage, cluster marriage, polygamy, polyandry, polygyny, troika.

A swinger who has sexual intercourse or engages in other sexual activity with other swingers outside of his or her existing relationship. Usage: Common in the swinging community, but uncommon in the polyamorous community. Contrast soft swinger.

An open relationship that’s monoamorous but pretends to be polyamorous. In hierarchical polyamory, power is organized by ranking primary partners above secondary, and sometimes even tertiary, partners. Essential elements of a poly hierarchy are: The primary has the ability to make rules about a relationship that they’re not in. They’re ultimately in control of that relationship A primary can veto a relationship i.e put an end to who their partner is dating. Power is asymmetrical. Secondaries and tertiary partners cannot leverage the same power against a primary

Colloquial An arrangement within a nominally monogamous marriage or relationship, particularly a marriage in which one of the partners travels a great deal or is often away from home for extended periods of time, which says that sexual dalliances that occur during the course of these travels or over a certain distance from the home don’t “really” count and hence aren’t cheating. See related don’t ask, don’t tell.

A residential community made up of people who share a common set of ideas, principles, or goals, and deliberately set out to create a planned community that reflects those ideas and goals. Intentional communities need not be polyamorous; there are intentional communities built around common religious, philosophical, or economic ideas, for example. Some polyamorous families create intentional communities with the idea of deliberately constructing a community built around non-monogamous relationship structures.

A family made up of people who have consciously and deliberately chosen to consider one another as a single family, as opposed to family that is the result of birth or marriage (i.e., family in law). See related cluster marriage, polyamory, group marriage. Usage: Most often used to describe a family of three or more adults.

Colloquial The sum total of a person’s partners, those partners’ partners, and so on. Usage: The term “intimate network” is most often used to describe the set of romantic and sexual relationships and friendships involved in a polyamorous relationship structure that is not closed; that is, the term intimate network is not often used to describe a polyfidelitous relationship, though it can be. The term is also sometimes used in a way that includes people who are close friends, but are not necessarily romantically or sexually involved, with a person or that person’s partners.

Colloquial; see swing club

A specific type of play party, usually attended by couples, in which each male deposits his keys into a container as he arrives. As the guests leave, each female draws a set of keys at random from the container, then goes home with the male to which they belong that night. Usage: A key party is typically a swinger event.

colloquial A style of polyamory that emphasizes family-style connections even among people in a network who are not dating each other. So named because the people in a network can gather around the kitchen table for breakfast.

A partner, usually a romantic and sexual partner, with whom one has the intent of a long-lasted and intertwined committed relationship. Commentary: A life partner need not necessarily be a spouse, though most often a spouse is a life partner. In some cases, someone may consider a partner’s partner to be a life partner even though there is no direct sexual or romantic relationship with that person.

A strong desire for, longing for, or preoccupation with another person, accompanied by a sometimes overwhelming desire for reciprocation. Limerence may be accompanied by idealization of the person so desired. Etymology: The term limerence was coined by Dr. Dorothy Tennov, who described it in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love (Scarborough House, 1979, ISBN 0812862864). Commentary: Limerence is distinct from new relationship energy in that it is more akin to what people commonly call a “crush,” and may not be associated with a relationship at all. Some researchers have linked limerence to quantifiable physiological processes in the brain, particularly to depressed levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin. Some people in the polyamory community use the word limerence as a synonym for new relationship energy, though this usage is not technically correct.

A relationship in which the people involved do not live together, and are separated by great distances; as, for example, partners who live in different cities, in different states, or even in different countries.

Colloquial 1. A partner of one’s partner; metamour. 2. The biological family of one’s partner. Commentary: In the sense of Def. 1, most often applied to a metamour with whom one has a close relationship.

1. See triad. 2. In contemporary American vernacular outside of the poly community, a relationship in which two people both love a third; in this usage, the assumption is that each of the two is competing for the undivided affections of the third, and that the third is being placed in a position where he or she is expected to choose one of the two competing partners.

See relationship orientation. Usage: Most common in New Age or tantra communities.

A culturally diverse institution recognized across various societies globally, often involving the union of individuals in a relationship that is acknowledged and supported by community norms, legal systems, or religious practices. This union is not exclusively between one man and one woman, as it encompasses a wide range of forms including but not limited to same-sex partnerships, polygamous relationships (such as polygyny and polyandry), group marriages, and monogamous relationships. The core essence of marriage transcends geographical and historical boundaries, embodying commitments that may include but are not limited to cohabitation, emotional support, social recognition, sexual exclusivity or non-exclusivity, shared economic responsibilities, rights of inheritance, joint property ownership, and mutual child-rearing. Marriages across different cultures may confer various rights and responsibilities, including but not limited to decision-making in legal, medical, and family matters. These roles and expectations have evolved over time and continue to vary significantly across different societies and legal jurisdictions. The recognition of marriage affects social status and may offer economic benefits, legal rights, and social protections to its members. Globally, the definition and recognition of marriage have been subject to reevaluation and change, reflecting shifting societal values towards inclusivity and equality. This includes the acknowledgment of same-sex marriages and the consideration of legal rights for partnerships beyond traditional dyadic unions, challenging conventional norms about the structure and purpose of marriage.

(Literally, meta with; about + amor love): The partner of one’s partner, with whom one does not share a direct sexual or loving relationship. See related vee.

A set or subset of polyamorous relationships, such as a triad, vee or quad, or a complete romantic network. See also polycule.

(Literally, mono one + amor love): The state or practice of loving only one person at a time. Contrast polyamory; See also monogamy. Commentary: The word monoamory was coined as a response to the fact that the word monogamy literally means “one marriage;” technically speaking, a monogamous person, according to the word’s roots, should be a person with only one spouse, regardless of the number of other romantic or sexual partners that person has. In practice, it means essentially the same thing as monogamy, though it is sometimes applied to a person who self-identifies as monogamous but is involved in a romantic relationship with a person who self-defines as polyamorous.

Colloquial A relationship that is not necessarily sexually fidelitous, but that differs from polyamory in that the outside sexual relationships are seen as primarily sexual rather than romantic, without necessarily having any expectation of continuity, and are viewed as enhancing the primary couple. See related open marriage. Etymology: The term was coined by columnist Dan Savage to describe committed relationships that still allow some “outside” sexual dalliances.

(Literally, mono one + gamos marriage) Formally, the state or practice of having only one wedded spouse. Informally, the state or practice of having only one wedded spouse at a time, or more generally, having only one sexual partner or only one romantic relationship at a time. Monogamous: of or related to the practice of monogamy, as in monogamous relationship: a relationship permitting one and only one romantic or sexual partner. Contrast polyamory, polygamy, polygyny, polyandry; See related closed marriage, serial monogamy.

Colloquial Of or relating to a relationship between a person who self-identifies as polyamorous and a person who self-identifies as monogamous.

Colloquial A polyamorous relationship involving four people, generally two couples where one member of one couple is also involved sexually and/or romantically with one member of the other couple. See also quad; See related triad, vee.

A strong, almost giddy feeling of excitement and infatuation common in the beginning of any new romantic relationship. While similar in some ways to limerence, new relationship energy is distinct in that it often follows the beginning of a relationship (as opposed to desire for a relationship), and can last as long as several years. Contrast old relationship energy. Commentary: Some researchers believe that new relationship energy is the result of the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which are released by the brain during the start of a new relationship and after a mother gives birth and are believed to have a role in emotional bonding and in the feelings of happiness and well-being that often accompany the start of a new relationship.

The act of cohabitating (i.e. the sharing of designated space, typically a home, and routines, typically of daily life) with someone.

A relationship characterized by cohabitation (i.e. the sharing of designated space, typically a home, and routines, typically of daily life). May include platonic, romantic, or sexual partners. Commonly used in polyamorous communities to describe relationships with living arrangement agreements (i.e. the “nest”). Often involves agreements associated with shared finances and child-rearing. Prioritizes companionship, chosen/intentional family, shared responsibility, and deep connection over traditional roles. Offers an alternative to hierarchical "primary" status, while still acknowledging the commitments and entanglements associated with sharing a household and living together.

Of or related to any marriage involving exactly two people, whereby each of the two is permitted to have sex with others outside the relationship but may not marry (or in some cases conduct emotionally intimate relationships) outside the relationship. Also can be called “monogamish”. Contrast group marriage. Commentary: the word monogamy in nonexclusive monogamy is used in the formal sense of “one marriage,” rather than in the general sense of “one sexual partner.”

See egalitarian polyamory.

Colloquial; usually derogatory A term sometimes applied, often dismissively, to a person who starts many new relationships in rapid succession but does not seem to maintain relationships for very long. Such a person may appear to seek out the euphoria and intense emotion associated with new relationship energy over the maintenance of a long-term relationship. Commentary: Some psychologists and psychiatrists believe that the intensity and euphoria associated with new relationship energy can be psychologically addictive; in the psychiatric community, the term “love addiction” is sometimes used to describe this behavior.

A family consisting of one man and one woman, married to one another, and their children. In some religious and social groups, this structure is idealized as the only “right” form of family, though historically it has never been the dominant family structure in Western history.

The feeling of comfort, security, and stability often associated with a long-standing romantic relationship. Contrast new relationship energy.

1. Group marriage. 2. Of or relating to having multiple spouses of both sexes.

An arrangement within a polyamorous relationship in which a man is allowed to have multiple female partners, each of whom is allowed to have sex with other women but forbidden to have any other male partners. Commentary: Its hypothetical opposite, a “one vagina policy” in which a woman has a group of male partners who are each forbidden to have other female lovers, seems so rare as to be theoretical; I’ve never seen or heard of a real-life example of such a relationship.

Any marriage whose structures or arrangements permit one or both of the members involved to have outside sexual relationships, outside romantic relationships, or both. The term open marriage is a catchall for marriages that are not emotionally or sexually monogamous, and may include such activities as polyamory or swinging. Contrast closed marriage; See related group marriage. Commentary: The term “open marriage” is sometimes used as a synonym for polyamory, though this is not necessarily the case; some relationships may be open but not polyamorous (as in some swinging relationships that explicitly ban emotional entanglement with anyone outside the relationship), and some relationships may be polyamorous but not open (as in polyfidelitious relationships)

1. Any relationship that is not sexually monogamous. 2. Any relationship that permits “outside” sexual entanglements, but not loving or romantic relationships. Commentary: Some folks use the term open relationship as a synonym for polyamory. To other people, the term excludes polyamory, and is used specifically to describe relationships that are sexually non-monogamous but that still expect that the people involved will not fall in love or engage in romantic relationships outside the couple, as for example with many swinging relationships. It’s important to be careful when using this term, as it may carry very different connotations for different people.

A practice in which a group of swingers will exchange partners and then have sex together in the same room; sometimes but not always assumes group sex. Contrast closed swinging. Usage: Common in the swinging community; uncommon outside it.

A naturally occuring hormone produced in the hypothalamus and secreted from the pituitary gland. Oxytocin is produced both by men and women, and in women is known to play a role in uterine contraction during childbirth and in milk production. Production of this hormone increases during the early stages of a new relationship and during sex, and it is believed to be partly responsible for mediating the processes involved in emotional intimacy. New relationship energy is thought to be a result in part of oxytocin production. See related vasopressin.

Of or relating to romantic or sexual love with partners of many sexes, sexual orientations, gender identities, and/or relationship orientations. Panamorous, of or relating to one who identifies as a person capable of romantic or sexual love with many kinds of partners regardless of their sex, sexual orientation, or gender identity.

A style of polyamory in which the relationships a person has are largely independent of one another, and there may be little or no contact or relationship between a person’s various partners. See related solo polyamory.

Colloquial Of or related to two (or more) couples or groups having sex in the same room, without members from one couple or group having sexual contact with members of another couple or group. Usage: Most commonly used in the swinging community.

(literally, par way + amor love; by way of love) 1. A married person’s outside lover. 2. A mistress—the unmarried female lover of a married man. 3. A nonmarried member of a polyamorous relationship.

Colloquial In a vee relationship, the person who has two partners.

A close, emotionally intimate relationship in which there is no sex or physical intimacy.

1. In the swinger community, a party, often hosted at a swing club but sometimes hosted at a private residence, at which swingers get together for the purpose of recreational sex. 2. A party with emphasis on shared sexual activity or experience.

Colloquial Of or related to polyamory; as, a poly relationship, a poly person.

(Literally, poly many + amor love) Polyamory is a relationship orientation that encompasses the capacity to love and be in committed relationships with more than one person at the same time. It involves engaging in multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships simultaneously, with the understanding, consent, and mutual respect of everyone involved. Commentary: There is some debate over the origin of the word. The Oxford English Dictionary attributes the word to Jennifer Wesp, who founded the newsgroup alt.polyamory in 1992. The term polyamorous is often attributed to Morning Glory Zell, who used it to describe situations in which a person engages in multiple loving, committed relationships simultaneously in the essay “A Bouquet of Lovers.” It appears that both people coined the term independently and simultaneously. Polyamory is not necessarily related directly to marriage or to polygamy; a person may have no spouse or only one spouse and still be polyamorous. Many people use the term “polyamory” to describe only those relationships in which a person has multiple loving partners; some people have extended the term to include relationships in which a person has multiple sexual partners regardless of the emotional component or degree of commitment between them, though this meaning was not a part of Morning Glory Zell’s original intent for the word. In 1992, when the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary contacted Morning Glory Zell to ask for a formal definition and background of the word; part of her response was “The two essential ingredients of the concept of ‘polyamory’ are ‘more than one’ and ‘loving.’ That is, it is expected that the people in such relationships have a loving emotional bond, are involved in each other’s lives multi-dimensionally, and care for each other. This term is not intended to apply to merely casual recreational sex.

(Literally, poly many + andros man) The state or practice of having multiple wedded husbands at the same time. Contrast monogamy; see related polygamy, polygyny.

A romantic network, or a particular subset of relationships within a romantic network, whose members are closely connected. Also used to describe a sketch or visualization of a romantic network, as these drawings often resemble the depiction of molecules used in organic chemistry.

Colloquial 1. A set of polyamorous people who live together and identify as part of the same family. 2. A polyamorous group whose members consider one another to be family, regardless of whether or not they share a home.

(Literally, poly many + fidelitas faithfulness) A romantic or sexual relationship which involves more than two people, but which does not permit the members of that relationship to seek additional partners outside the relationship, at least without the approval and consent of all the existing members. Some polyfidelitous relationships may have a mechanism which permits adding new members to the relationship with mutual agreement and consent of the existing members; others may not permit any new members under any circumstances. Etymology: The term polyfidelity was coined by the Kerista Commune.

refers to the occurrence of unscrupulous, messy drama within polyamorous relationships. This term is colloquially used to criticize behaviors within the polyamory community where individuals, under the guise of polyamory, engage in numerous relationships that are characterized by a lack of emotional depth or are short-lived, thereby deviating from the principles of honesty, communication, and emotional connection that are central to polyamory. It specifically targets actions that seem to misuse the concept of polyamory for less committed or superficial encounters, rather than embracing the ethical and consensual framework that polyamory advocates for. This usage often carries a connotation of derision toward the individuals or practices it describes, distinguishing it from other non-monogamous identities, such as swinging, which it does not intend to critique.

(Literally, poly many + gamos marriage) The state or practice of having multiple wedded spouses at the same time, regardless of the sex of those spouses. Contrast monogamy; See related polyandry, polygyny. Commentary: Polygyny is the most common form of polygamy in most societies that permit multiple spouses. For that reason, many people confuse the two. Some objections to the practice of polyamory—for example, objections based on the perception that polyamorous relationships are inherently disempowering to women—arise from the misperception that polyamory or polygamy are the same thing as polygyny.

(Literally, poly many + gynos woman) The state or practice of having multiple wedded wives at the same time. Contrast monogamy; See related polygamy, polyandry. Commentary: According to some sociologists, polygynous societies represent the most common form of society, with 850 of the 1170 societies recorded in Murdock’s Ethnographic Atlas being polygynous. Modern Muslim societies are polygynous, and certain religious traditions, including Fundamentalist Mormonism (FLDS) in the United States, advocate polygyny.

Colloquial Polyamorous, but not currently open to new relationships or new partners because of the number of existing partners, or because of time constraints that might make new relationships difficult. Contrast polyunsaturated. Usage: Often considered humorous or slightly silly. Seems to be most common primarily in the western United States.

Colloquial Of or related to relationships which are sexually non-monogamous but which are not emotionally intimate. Usage: Sometimes condescending or derogatory; as Bill is not really polyamorous, but only polysexual. May indicate dismissal or derision of the relationship so named. See related swinging.

Colloquial, often humorous A child in a polyamororous household.

In a hierarchical relationship, the person (or persons) in the relationship with the highest degree of involvement or entanglement, or sometimes the person accorded the most importance. A person may be primary either as a natural consequence of the circumstance and nature of the relationship (because that person has the greatest degree of financial entanglement, for example), or as a deliberate consequence of the relationship structure and agreements (as in the case of an existing couple who set out to add additional partners only on the condition that those existing partners are seen as “less important” than the couple). See also co-primary; Contrast secondary, tertiary. Commentary: People who deliberately seek to construct a relationship along prescriptive primary/secondary lines typically designate one and only one relationship as the primary relationship. People who do not seek to construct a relationship along prescriptive primary/secondary lines may have more than one primary relationship; a relationship becomes primary when it reaches a certain point of emotional commitment, practical entanglement, or both.

A polyamorous relationship involving four people, each of whom may or may not be sexually and emotionally involved with all the other members. See related N.

A philosophy or practice in which people are seen as free to engage in any relationships they choose, spontaneity and freedom are desirable and necessary traits in healthy relationships, no relationship should be entered into or restricted from a sense of duty or obligation, any relationship choice is (or should be) allowable, and in which there is not necessarily a clear distinction between “partner” and “non-partner.”

In compulsory monogamy culture relationships are expected to progress in a linear model which we call the relationship escalator: starting with dating, moving to cohabitation, then marriage, followed by children, and culminating in creating a legacy.

A relationship orientation refers to an individual's enduring pattern of forming a secure attachment which may or may not include romantic or sexual relationship with others. Decolonizing Love holds the view that one's relationship orientation is an innate and natural predisposition; this explains why many people reject compulsory monogamy even without polyamory awareness. Our definition of relationship orientation centers on secure attachment because 'love' is a loaded term. When defining love within a relationship orientation, we often refer to 'eros, which excludes aromantic people.

Colloquial A romantic partner other than one’s primary partner or spouse. Usage: Used almost completely within the context of hierarchical relationships.

A relationship pattern in which a person has only one sexual or romantic partner at a time, but has multiple sexual or romantic partners in a lifetime, and may change partners frequently. Arguably the most common form of relationship in the United States, serial monogamy is predicated on the idea that a person can love more than one other person romantically in a lifetime, but not at the same time. Contrast polyamory, polygamy, swinging; See related monogamy.

Colloquial A romantic partner. Usage: The term significant other is intended to be free of assumptions about the gender of that partner.

A swinger who has sexual intercourse or engages in other sexual activity only with his or her partner, but may do so at a swing club, or in the presence of other swingers. Occasionally, soft swingers may engage in some limited form of sexual activities, often stopping short of sexual intercourse, with partners outside the existing relationship. Usage: Common in the swinging community, but uncommon in the polyamorous community. Contrast hard swinger.

This term defines a personal orientation or practice within polyamory where individuals prioritize their own autonomy and self-determination in relationships, steering clear of deeply entangled commitments such as cohabitation, financial intertwining, or legal ties with partners. Solo poly individuals focus on maintaining their independence while engaging in multiple loving, romantic relationships. Solo polyamory champions the concept of being one's own anchor, emphasizing self-fulfillment and personal growth alongside the pursuit of romantic and emotional connections with others..

A person’s husband or wife.

A form of polygyny where a man marries two or more women who are sisters.

1. A place where swingers meet to socialize or engage in recreational sex. 2. A social organization for swingers. See related friends-first swinging, closed-group swinging.

A person who engages in swinging.

The practice of having multiple sexual partners outside of an existing romantic relationship, most often with the understanding that the focus of those relationships is primarily sexual rather than romantic or emotionally intimate. See also friends-first swinging, closed swinging, closed-group swinging, swing club. Commentary: The common perception of swinging is that those who engage in this behavior have sex outside of their existing relationship purely for recreation, and that emotional bonds or emotional intimacy are specifically excluded. This is true in some cases, and in fact some swing clubs specifically prohibit people from carrying on friendships or relationships outside the club. However, in practice swinging is much more nuanced, and people who self-identify as swingers can and sometimes do form close emotional relationships with their partners. Many people in both the swinging and polyamorous communities, though not all, see swinging and polyamory as two ends of a continuum, different in degree of intent, focus, and emphasis on romantic and emotional relationships rather than different in kind.

Colloquial A person who identifies as both polyamorous and also as a swinger; that is, a person who has multiple simultaneous relationships and also enjoys recreational sex in a swinging context. Etymology: The term was coined by Ken Haslam of the Kinsey Institute.

A person (or persons) in a relationship that is generally quite casual, expects little in the way of emotional or practical support, or is very limited with respect to time, energy, or priority in the lives of the people involved. Contrast primary; See related hierarchichal polyamory, secondary. Commentary: A tertiary relationship may be very limited in scope or priority for many reasons, one of the most common of which is often distance.

1. A polyamorous relationship composed of three people. 2. A union or group of three. Usage: In the sense of Def. 1, generally, the word triad is most often applied to a relationship in which each of the three people is sexually and emotionally involved with all the other members of the triad, as may be the case in a triad consisting of one man and two bisexual women or one woman and two bisexual men; however, it is sometimes also applied to vee relationships.

A group marriage involving exactly three people. See related triad.

see triad. Etymology: A neologism coined by combining “couple” and “triple.”

Colloquial; Usage: Almost always used of a hypothetical woman who is willing to date both members of an existing couple, agree not to have any relationships other than the ones with the couple, agree not to be sexually involved with one member of the couple unless the other member of the couple is also there, and/or agree to move in with the couple. So named because people willing to agree to such arrangements are vanishingly rare, whereas couples looking for a woman who will agree to these terms are incredibly common.

A hormone produced by the hypothalamus and released by the pituitary gland. Vasopressin is known to be involved in the regulation of blood pressure and the uptake of water by the kidneys, and is also believed to be involved in mediating such responses as aggression and mating. Levels of vasopressin in the body rise sharply immediately after sex; it is believed that this may play a role in new relationship energy. See related oxytocin.

Colloquial A polyamorous relationship involving three people, in which one person is romantically or sexually involved with two partners who are not romantically or sexually involved with each other.

A relationship agreement, most common in hierarchical relationships, which gives one person the power to end another person’s additional relationships, or in some cases to disallow some specific activity, such as some specific sexual or BDSM-related activity. A veto may be absolute, in which one partner may reject another partner’s additional relationships unconditionally, or may be conditional and used more as a way to indicate a serious problem in a relationship.