Why Overprotecting Her From Abusive Poly Men Isn’t Protecting Her
A heterosexual couple with a young child open their relationship. Nothing is wrong between them. The communication is strong, the sex is good, and both spent months reading and reflecting before deciding together. He calls himself a feminist and means it. And still, every time she leaves for a date with another man, something in him locks up. Millie is careful about what this is not. It is not jealousy, and it is not envy. He does not want her to stop dating and he does not want a one penis policy. What he feels is fear on her behalf: he does not trust men, and he is afraid one of them will hurt her. She has watched the same thing surface in more than one man she has coached, and she has seen it inside her own polycule, where a partner sat in agony every time one of his other partners went out with someone new because he had decided she was too sheltered to spot danger. The essay takes that fear seriously before taking it apart, because protectiveness aimed at a grown woman does something to her autonomy whatever the intention behind it. What Millie told that partner, and what she tells clients when this shows up, is behind the paywall.
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