Polyamory Under the Law
From locked hospital doors to radical relationship agreements: A manifesto for the families the colonial state doesn't recognize.
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One of the world's largest polyamory education platforms
DECOLONIZEYour Love
Relationship education that decolonizes how we love. Unlearn the colonial scripts of monogamy, hierarchy, and domination to navigate ethical non-monogamy, intentional community, and the relationships you choose.
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Love is political.
Read the ManifestoMost relationship advice ignores power, race, and colonial norms. We don't. Relationships are shaped by systems. We are here to dismantle them.
01
Love Is Abundant
Love does not need exclusivity to be real. Connection is not scarce. Connection is limitless.
02
Decolonize the Default
Monogamy as the only model is a colonial inheritance, not human nature. We reclaim the diversity of love.
03
Accountability Over Purity
We create brave spaces rooted in accountability, not perfection. Growth happens through compassion and curiosity, not judgment.
04
Define Love on Your Terms
Reject shame. Embrace the full spectrum of connection. Your relationships belong to you.
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Our work has been recognized by leading publications around the world, sparking important conversations about love, relationships, and decolonization.
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Polyamory
Relationships
Your 5 Core Needs in a Polyamorous Relationship
The essay opens with a goodbye letter. A woman leaves polyamory after nine years, convinced the constant low-grade dread she lived with was simply the cost of the lifestyle. Decolonizing Love's response is that she was sold a lie. Polyamory changes how many people are in your relational network. It does not change what your nervous system needs to feel safe. There is a sharp distinction here between monogamy on autopilot and polyamory in manual mode. Monogamy pre-fills your needs through inherited scripts: who is home most nights, who is your emergency contact, who you spend holidays with. Polyamory hands you a blank page, and most people arrive without ever asking what they actually need in an attachment-based relationship. So they accept whatever they are offered and mistake low expectations for being evolved. The essay grounds this in attachment theory, the work of Bowlby and Ainsworth, and insists your needs are non-negotiable rather than needy. From there it sets out five core questions to answer before your next relationship, or to audit the one you are in now. The full breakdown of those five lives on Substack.
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Polyamory
Relationships
Before You Open Your Relationship, You Need to Become an Individual Again
Most people prep for polyamory like they're cramming for the bar exam. Polysecure, Polywise, the whole Jessica Fern shelf, hundreds of podcast episodes, a tidy agreement in a shared Google Doc. Then the first date actually happens, and by Sunday night the whole thing has caved in. The essay's point is that all that reading skips the step that does the real work. That step is differentiation: becoming a whole individual again before you try to love more than one person. The jealousy you were sure you understood from the safety of your own living room turns out to feel nothing like the real thing. And the panic underneath it is usually a codependency that monogamy culture trained into you in the first place. What we like is that it refuses the quick fix. You don't rescue an open relationship by queuing another podcast or tightening the rules. You do the slower, less flattering work on yourself first. The full practice sits behind the paywall, but the diagnosis on its own is worth the read.
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