How to Know What Your Values Are in Polyamory
Before the saxophones start playing.
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DECOLONIZEYour Love
Relationship education that decolonizes how we love. Unlearn the colonial scripts of monogamy, hierarchy, and domination to navigate ethical non-monogamy, intentional community, and the relationships you choose.
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Love is political.
Read the ManifestoMost relationship advice ignores power, race, and colonial norms. We don't. Relationships are shaped by systems. We are here to dismantle them.
01
Love Is Abundant
Love does not need exclusivity to be real. Connection is not scarce. Connection is limitless.
02
Decolonize the Default
Monogamy as the only model is a colonial inheritance, not human nature. We reclaim the diversity of love.
03
Accountability Over Purity
We create brave spaces rooted in accountability, not perfection. Growth happens through compassion and curiosity, not judgment.
04
Define Love on Your Terms
Reject shame. Embrace the full spectrum of connection. Your relationships belong to you.
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Polyamory
Relationships
Identity & Equality
This is How You Dismantle Couple Privilege
You'll hear the argument all over polyamory discourse: hierarchies in relationships are natural and inevitable, so anyone claiming to practice egalitarian polyamory is kidding themselves. This essay takes that apart by showing the word hierarchy is doing two entirely different jobs in it. Social hierarchy is structural, something the world does to you whether you consent or not. Relational hierarchy is a decision you make about how to treat your partners. Couple privilege is the structural kind. Legal marriage, tax breaks, employer benefits, automatic recognition at hospitals, holiday packages priced for two: society hands these to an established couple whether they ask for them or not, and additional partners in a polycule receive none of it. Relational hierarchy is the choice to take that unearned advantage and wield it as power over someone else's relationship. Veto power, a hinge defaulting to a spouse's wants over another partner's needs, agreements made about a relationship by someone who isn't even in it. The move that makes it click is the analogy to white privilege and male privilege. Having privilege doesn't make you an oppressor, but it does create responsibility. We have shelves of books on how white people can be allies and how men can build healthier masculinity, and almost nothing on how couples can dismantle the privilege they hold inside their own polycules. The fourteen concrete practices this essay offers sit behind the paywall, ranked from the easiest internal shifts to the hardest structural ones.
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Polyamory
Politics
Decolonization
Polyamory Under the Law
It opens in an ICU. The people who actually hold your life together, a partner, a metamour who helped raise your child, a chosen sibling of twenty years, wait behind a locked hospital door while reception checks for the one credential the law respects: a marriage certificate or shared blood. From there the essay picks up its news hook, Portland's March 2026 ordinance protecting polyamorous people from discrimination in housing, jobs, and public accommodation, and asks why a law like that was ever necessary. The answer runs deeper than most coverage of the municipal wave. Marriage covers barely 1.5 percent of the human timeline; hunter-gatherers like the Hadza practiced serial monogamy and communal child-rearing with no paperwork at all. Marriage arrived with agriculture as a technology for securing inheritance, and empire exported it by force. The Spanish Laws of Burgos of 1512 banned multi-partner relationships, dictated how many adults could share a bed, and burned communal Taíno houses. What gets called traditional family values was, in many places, deliberate state engineering. That history reframes marriage equality as a double-edged victory: real protections, but the state kept its job as gatekeeper of which relationships count. The essay closes with what you can do without waiting for another ordinance to pass. Sign the healthcare proxy, write the will, name your people on paper, and trade rules borrowed from contract law for agreements built on mutuality. You are already a family. The work is making the world catch up.
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